| David Gane
For the past few weeks, I've been building the online version of my screenwriting course for the university.
However, I've bumped into an unpleasant reality—I look and talk really weird.
The experience of self
I know this isn't a revelation. Most of you knew this about me for the longest time.
But also, I'm pretty sure many of you have had a similar moment—when you get a glimpse outside yourself to see how people see you.
Of course, I think (at least, I hope) most people don't actually see me this way. It's only because this awareness of self is new for me and being I'm more judgemental than probably my friends and family.
I also believe the more I do it, the more familiar I will become with this new version of myself.
However, it has made me realize the performative aspect to this work.
I always notice a disconnect when watching vloggers outside their own work. Casey Neistat acts different when I see him with Shonduras or Ben Brown than his own channel. I also feel that if you compare his work now to his old episodes, you'll see an evolution of style.
Practice makes perfect
However there is another side to this.
I think there is a version of myself that I haven't quite found doing these online class videos.
It's hard not to be self-conscious, to doubt myself, to be aware of all my facial tics, all my awkward language, all my flaws.
However, I want to give the best version of the class to my students. The more I record, the more I will figure out my real voice, and finally become more comfortable with who I really am.
I hope this to be the last of my self-deprecating humour. ↩︎